Happy Birthday to Me!!!!!

So today I turned 22. Honestly I have to say so far it's one of the best birthdays ever. I have my daughter who has been nothing but smiles and laughs for her momma and I have such an amazing man in my life who loves and supports everything I do. I've dealt with a lot within the past year and a half, but it all seems worth it because I am extremely happy with my life. Yeah, I was heartbroken when Nate told me he didn't love me anymore and I was fed up when Eric said he didn't know if he could raise another man's child. Papi has no problem raise Miss Bug as his daughter. He loves her like she is his blood.

I've also been dealing with some drama this week. S.D.'s girlfriend contacted me on fb this week and asked me if my "baby daddy" was S.D. Apparently, Miss Bug is his 2nd child. He has a daughter in Missouri who turned 1 today (weird, but shows you how small the world really is). Anywho, so Miss Bug may have a big sister and she's soon to have a little brother. And because S.D.'s GF found out about Miss Bug (S.D. and she have been dating for 3 years) he's now wanting a DNA test. Never once did he question her being his biological daughter.

I'm pretty much done with him. He has only seen her once and she was 2 months old at the time. She's almost 9 months old. She has her dada and she doesn't really need him.

Anyways, I'm over his BS. He really is nothing more than a sperm donor. I wouldn't want him around my daughter anyways. I feel bad for his family though. She's someone's granddaughter/niece/cousin and they're never gonna really know her, if they even know about her.

I'm just so very happy that Papi loves her so much that he proudly calls her his daughter. One day she'll have a big sister to look up to because Papi has another daughter.

Really??? Are you that desperate?

So I checked my email this morning and I got an email from a dear friend who also happens to be the owner to a online community I'm a part of. She sent it to me to inform me that my account had been reactivated. I forgot my password so I haven't been on in months. Well, she thought that I had just made a new account using Miss Bug's name. No I didn't. In the email she attached the info on the account. Well, it wasn't my email address, nor was it one I had ever used. It happened to be the email address of my ex-boyfriend. Why he made it I have no idea, but I feel like he might be trying to stalk me. Now, this community is for MILITARY WIVES (past, present, and future). Now when I informed the ladies of this site that I was getting a divorce they said that no matter what they woudl still be there for me, whether I was a army wife or not.

While I was pregnant I would get on the site and vent and talk and just have "me" time. Well, Eric didn't see the point of me still being part or a military wife site. I told him time and again that it was more than just a military wife site. I thold him those women were my friends.

Now, it upset me when I found out he was trying to join a site he had no right joining. When I found out that he was using MY daughter's name, it pissed me off. I mean, HOW DARE HE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Not only did he use her name but he also used the month and date of her birthday. I am just so glad my friend emailed me. She said that she would be deleting the account under Miss Bug's name and reactivating mine original account.

I was so tempted to email him and give him a piece of my mind, but all it would doo is make more drama in my life and I've decided to be the bigger person when it comes to the petty things exes do. I know that all they're trying to is get a rise out of me and if I start drama then I let them know that they can still get under my skin. I won't be giving them the satifaction.

I have to say...I feel so lucky in life

I swear I fall in love with Papi even more everyday. He makes me a better person. He's my very best friend. I couldn't see myself with anyone else for the rest of my life. He's such a great father to Miss Bug.

Miss Bug has been a little fuss bucket lately. It really started when we went to Memaw and Poppa's for Thanksgiving. I think it's because she got so much attention while we were there. She got held a lot but Memaw, Poppa, Aunt Kay, GG, and her daddy and me. She tried to jump so much when someone was holding her. She missed her jumperoo. We might have to take it with when we go there for Christmas.

Okay, so yesterday was just a big ol' vent...Onto issues WAY better

Hey I'm allowed. It's my blog.

Anywho, today (or rather tonight seeing as it's 10:15pm) was a great day. Miss Bug had a play date with the Little Mermaid. Mermaid was born 04 days after Miss Bug. Mermaid's momma is going through a hard time right now. We definitely will be getting together more. I know she needs it.

So as I said yesterday, I had to take a placement test for school. I applied to Baker College of Auburn Hills. Why Auburn Hills and not Flint, you ask? Well, that's easy. Flint doesn't have the program I was going to go into. I had planned on going to school for DMS(Diagnostic Medical Sonography), but I would have had to wait until Fall 2011 semester to start and then I'd have to work my butt off to get one of the sixty slots. Needless to say, I changed my major as of right now. I'm going to school for LPN(License Practical Nursing). Yes, I'm going to be a nurse. Good thing with the program I'll be doing is if, once I finish, I still want to do DMS I can because the classes I have to take for LPN are also classes I have to take for DMS. Also, if I decide I like nursing I can continue with it and become and RN.

I have to go back to Auburn Hills on Friday for orrientation. Miss Bug's Godparents are going to watch her for me. I just can't trust them watching her again.

Now, onto how me and my Papi are doing. Yes, I have decided to change what I call SJ. His pet name from me is Papi so why not use it here. Anyways, we're doing great. We will be celebrating the first of many birthdays tomorrow. It's his birthday and I'm so happy we get to spend it together. If I had something to bake a cake in I would be baking him a cake tomorrow. It'll have to wait a day.

*********OMG, OMG, OMG*********
My baby girl got her first tooth on the 10th and her second on the 12th. She's growing up WAY too fast. Soon she's gonna be crawling then walking and talking. Sometimes I just want to cry with how fast time is going by. I feel like I just had her.

Okay so there's my happy blog. Yesterday I just needed to get it all out. Hope y'all don't mind.
Thanks for reading.

Kinda going crazy

Seriously, I feel like I am. On the 05th my brother and his girlfriend came to stay with us for 02 weeks, TWO weeks only. Well, this Friday will be 02 weeks. The reason they're staying with us is because they got evicted from where they were living and were sleeping in his van. Memaw called me and, for her peace of mind, I told her to tell my brother to come here. It was clearly put that they could only stay for 02 weeks. Well, SJ and I find ut this last weekend that they're not planning on moving to Whitehall until AFTER Thanksgiving. So that would put them at 03 weeks. I don't think so. We haven't asked anything with them. Okay, I asked them, or rather his girlfriend, to watch Miss Bug for me. I had to run down the Auburn Hills on the 12th and then I had to go take a placement test yesterday. (I'll get into why later) Anywho, so that is the only thing we asked. Now, Memaw and Poppa sent Uncle T $200 so he would have gas to get back and forth to work for the 02 weeks he'd be here. Well, Uncle T had his birthday and kind blew the money plus he got paid the day before I do believe. He then has the nerve to ask me if he can use my bridge card (food stamps[yes I'm on state assistance]) to get him and his girlfriend some food. I told him no and he got a little mad at me. There are just so many things that are irritating me about this whole situation. Yesterday, I think, was the worst. He told me he was had to go change his address and that he was gonna change it to my house. I told him "No, it'll cause trouble with custody with SJ." SJ has a 13 year old daughter. Well, Uncle T gets all pissy and I can't take it. I pack up Miss Bug and we leave. Yes, I left MY house because of THEM. It wasn't just the address thing. I had my test in the morning and when I came home the door was locked. Okay, maybe they're all napping. I go in, expecting to see them in the living room. No, not there. I put my stuff down in the dining room and go to Miss Bug's room to see if she was there. As I walk down the hallway, I hear noises coming from their room. OMG,THEY'RE HAVING SEX WHILE THEY'RE SUPPOSE TO BE WATCHING MY CHILD. I checked on Miss Bug and she was awake in her bed. I grab her up and take her to mine and SJ's room (on the other end of the house). That right there is what PISSED me off. I trust them to watch my daughter for a couple of hours and they completely take advantage of the fact that I'm gone. I don't care if she was sleeping. God only knows what could have happened. They said she fell asleep on the couch so they moved her to her bed. Well, if they had NOT had sex they would have known that she was awake.

I'm just over it.


Anywho, I'll write more tomorrow. I've got some stuff I have to do today.

Off to my Momma Duties.

Love: I never knew it could be so good

I thought I knew what love was when I was with Nate, but how I feel about SJ is so much more intense, more passionate, more everything. I am absolutely and irreversibly in love with SJ. He makes me feels so great about myself and makes me want to be a better person. He doesn't want me to lose weight but he can tell I'm not happy with my body. I know I'm beautiful and I know he thinks I'm beautiful. I just feel like I could be even better for him.

I feel so lucky and so very blessed. SJ treats me better than any other male has. I would say man but SJ is the first man I have had the pleasure of being with. He is truely my best friend and my soul mate. He does whatever he can to make me happy and I do my very best to make him happy. I know things are only going to get better with us.

Little Miss Bug loves him as well. All day long she says Dada. I think she knows what it means too because SJ will say "yeah" whenever she says dada. They are the cutest together. He can always make her laugh and smile. He knows just what she needs when she's crying, just like me. He trully is her Daddy. Soon he'll be her daddy is every aspect.

I tried my hardest to have Javonte in her life, but I can only do so much. I can tell him until I'm blue in the face that she's his daughter and he needs to be a part of her life, but I can't make him realize that just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean that he can't be part of her life. So I quit trying. I did more than my fair share of trying. He will never see her. Bottom line. Bug has her daddy and he is the best daddy in the world.

Onto a happier note:
Little Miss Bug got her ears pierced yesterday. She didn't like it at all, but she looks super cute. She's got little studs in her birthstone. Too, too cute. We decided to do both ears at the same time. I know how she gets with shots so I figured she would definitely HATE doing one ear at a time. I was a little worried that they would somehow get messed up by doing both ears at once, but they look great. Hopefully, people quit thinking she's a boy. I understand that if you see a bald head you think boy but she wears pink or purple, girly colors or ruffles and she's always got her PINK blanket, her PINK paci, and her PINK frog. People just need to open their eyes.

She LOVES watching Football with her daddy and hockey with me and her daddy. SJ is on a Football League and we went to watch him practice on Wednesday, she absolutely LOVED it. We're hoping on taking her to a Hockey game soon. Not sure how she's gonna do, but I figure if she loves watching it on tv and she's use to her daddy's random shouts of celebration/aggrevation then she should be good at an actually game. We shall see. We're hoping on going to a game for her birthday. She's definitely a lot like her daddy, I do believe she loves sports.

Of course, she is my daughter so she was utterly fascinated with Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. She loves music and loves bright colors. She sits up all on her own now. We found a Bumbo at a yardsale last month and it's a wonderful thing. She is to a point where we can't put her in it unless we are right in front of her because she is trying to push herself out of it. She's also starting to push herself out of her bouncer and her swing. Good thing her swing is also her highchair. We got her the EZBundle by fisherprice so it's a 4 in 1 thing.

I went today and got WIC. It wouldn't be so bad, but today was the first time I used WIC to get not only her formula, but also baby food and cereal. It just means that she is growing up and I don't want her too. I love her so much. SHe's growing up way to fast for my liking.

I've decided I want to try and put a playdate together with some of my friends. A lot of my friends have babies of their own so I figured it would be nice to get together and let our little pnes play. I hope I hear something back from people soon. I honestly think it's a great idea. Bug needs to be around other kids. Especially if I get a job. She'll have to go to daycare.

I feel so very blessed

If anyone would have told me my senior year of high school that I would be in Flint and happy in 2010, I'd tell you you were crazy. I never planned on returning to Flint. I never saw my life going anywhere in this city. However, I never expected to get divorced and be a single momma, but it did happen. And I couldn't be happier. I honestly am not a single momma now. I have SJ and Miss Bug already knows him as her Dada. She loves him so much. Her face just lights up when she sees him everyday after work.

Anyways, I never thought anyone would inspire me to live the best I can. SJ is a little health conscience and that makes me be a little more than I have been. I actually try and walk a mile a couple times a week. SJ is a runner and so when he goes to run I walk and usually when I finish walking a mile he's done running a 5K. Our Christmas gifts to each other is a gym membership. Yes that's right, I will be going to the gym. The gym we decided on has childcare available while we work out, so we won"t have to try and work with a daycare. We can just got to work out and drop her off at daycare and when we're done we go pick her up. This way we can kind of push each other to actually go and work out.

SJ says he loves me the way I am, but he can see that I'm not happy with my weight. It's just that I weigh 170+lbs and before I had Miss Bug I was down to 165. I have this top that I got my senior year that I absolutely adore. It doesn't fit me but I refuse to get rid of it. My goal is to fit in that top. When I was in my first trimester I lost a lot of weight because of morning sickness and loss of appetite. I got down to 155. Now I was just curious one day and put of that top and it fit. So I need to get at least to 155, but I think I'm gonna shoot for about 140-145. I think that's a good weight. I'll still have my curves and I think my knees and back will stop hurting so much because I have less weight on my joints.

I will definately keep everyone updated on it. Since moving out of my parents house I've lost about 10lbs. I've stopped eatting so late and have alomst completely cut pop out of my diet. Instead of snacking on chips and cookies, I'll get me some carrots with ranch. I'm making more health conscience choices. Hopefully, this will teach Miss Bug how to stay healthy. I just want her to be happy and I know from personally experience that being 5'3" and almost 200lbs doesn't make someone happy. When I was married I wasn't happy with how my body looked. I felt like it wasn't me, just my mind.

With SJ, I can cook anything and I know he'll eat it. He doesn't ask me to make something I know I'm not going to eat. He wants us to eat the same thing at the same time. It doesn't bother him tha I don't eat red meat. I use ground turkey for spagetti and homemade lasagna. He doesn't ask me to make it with beef. He knows I just can't eat it. Red meat literally makes me sick, I can't eat it.

I never thought I'd be where I am but I couldn't be happier being here.

Almost settled in

So, Miss Bug, SJ and I moved into our new home on September 24th. I thought it would take way longer to unpack but we're just about settled in. We've definately already made it a home, not just a house. I feel so comfortable and the house has definately got that homey feeling I always got when I was at my parents old house. I haven't been over there in about a week, but I don't know if I can drive by. It's just difficult. To see the house I grew up in and not be able to go in and see my mom. I knew they were moving, but a week after I moved was a lot sooner than I thought. What can I do though?

Miss Bug is a whole half a year old now. She's rolling over and scooting around the living room like a pro now and, even though she said "ma" first, she is constantly saying "dada" all day. She knows when I'm on the phone with SJ, because she started just a babbling away with her "dada". I love hearing her talk to him. I know he loves her so much. I'm so happy with my life, much happier than I have been in awhile.

I hope to have pictures up of what my house looks like soon. I'm just so happy to have my own place again. Everyone knew that I had never planned on coming back to Flint, but when I met SJ all that changed. I'm actually very happy with the fact that I still live in Flint. True, it's hard for me to find a job, but SJ has a good job. I've actually been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. I would love to be able to be a professional photographer, but financially I don't see it being an option. So I've decided I'm going to become an Ultrasound Technician. I just need to get up to MCC and talk to an advisor.

Well, it's late and I want to go cuddle up with my sweetheart. I'll blog you later.

Night, y'all.

Moving soon

So life has taken a drastic change since the last time I wrote. I met a really great guy around the time I was trying to see where things would go with Miss Bug's Sperm Donor. We talked for a month before we met face to face. I met him online. I was a little sceptically but now that he's in our lives life is wonderful. Sure there are some bumps in the road but Iam happy. Happy than I have been in awhile.

Anywho, Miss Bug is 5 months old and she's getting so big so fast. I put her in the walker about a week ago and she loved it. She's figured out how to go forward and backwards. She's started putting herself to sleep at nap time. For teh past three days all I've done is laid her in the pack'n'play downstairs so she could see her friends. She'll talk to them for a minute then either cuddle up to the music seahorse or grab the blanket that stays in there and she'll go off to sleep. Last weekend she was moved into her own room. That's right My baby girl has her own room and she seems to like it. Which is great because when my Hunny and I move into our place at the end of the month she'll have her own room. My brother moved out and that's how Miss Bug came to get her own room. I still need to take pictures of it. Before we move.

The thought of moving is kinda of bittersweet. I never thought I would ever move back in with my parents and now that I have been here for over a year, I think I'll miss this house. Soon I won't be able to call it home. Memaw and Poppa will be in Whitehall, Uncle T will be over there later on, Aunt Kay is in Chicago with George and Fred, and we'll be at Torrey Hills. It's time I know, but I grew up in this house, brought my daughter home here. I'm pretty sure I'll drive by it from time to time just to see how it changes.

Great news on my behalf: I FINALLY got my driver's license. Soon I'll be going down to visit my sister and nephews at Campbell. I've missed them so much. It doesn't feel like it but I have seen them in oer a year. The last time I saw them was June 07, 2009. I miss my family. I know that I'll be making a couple trips down there, especially when my brother comes home. I know my sister misses him and so do the boys. I'm happy that's I'll be able to spend a couple days with them. I know that there are other people that want to see me and I'll gladly see them but the main reason I'm going down is to see my sister and my nephews.

I got a hair cut yesterday. It kinda of reminds me of Peter Pan. I love it. I'll have pictures up soon on FB.

Anywho, Naptime is over so back to my momma duties. Love and miss you all.

Thanks for reading, I'll write later.

Has it really been 4 months already???

Me oh my, how time flies. It still boggles my mind to know that my little Bug is 4 months old. It feels like just yesterday that I found out that I was pregnant and I've already been her momma for 4 months, 1 week, and 3 days. She really has changed my life. I wouldn't change a thing in my life right now. I am so happy and I know that, because I've seen rock bottom, things can only continue to go up. If you had asked me where I saw myself this time last year I wouldn't have been able to tell you. I found out I was pregnant July 29th and, even though I always knew I wanted to be a mother, I never knew how much different life is when you have someone who depends entirely on you.

Life is super crazy right now, but how could it not be with Memaw and Poppa buying the new house, Poppa working on the house, Uncle T having a girlfriend for the first time in almost 7 years, Aunt K being in town with George and Fred (I have not used any reall names fyi[George is my neice and Fred is my nephew]), and Mimi just being her usual self. I have found such happiness in my life.

Miss Bug is so very close to rolling over. She had a Dr. app on the 04th and she got her 04 month shots. She is growing so fast. Dr. D said she was in the 50 percentile on growth. She ended up getting her first fever teh day after her shots. It's shocking how scary just a fever can be to a mom. I never thought I would be terrified because of it. Good news is that I was able to break it. She slept most of it off and the ibuprofen helped, plus I gave her a bath.

Look at how my little one is growing. Getting so big on her momma. She doesn't even look like the same baby I brought home.

At birth:
5lb 7oz
18.5ins long
12in head circumference


At 04 months:
14lb
24ins long
16.5in head circumference

DONE!!!

Why should I be the one trying in a relationship? Why do I always find the guys that are great at frist but turn out to be douchebags? Don't I deserve to be happy. Doesn't my daughter deserve to know her father? I'm done trying to have things work with him. I have tried and tried and the only thing that happened was him yelling at me. I'm through. I tell him Miss Bug has been fussy al day and he doesn't ask why until I ask him "Aren't you wondering why?" Kinda messed up. I shouldn't have to force him to be concerned for his daughter.

I haven't heard from him in like a week and I'm done trying to get him to talk to me.

So, according to me, I'm single and have been since Eric and I broke up. I never felt like me and JV were dating. I am a single momma and I'm happy with that.


Sort of a vent. Sorry, but I needed to get it out.

Fighting with a Bug and her thumb

So Miss Bug has started sucking on her thumb. She's adament about it too. I can take her thumb out of her mouth and pop in her paci adn as soon as I turn my head she spits her paci out and into her mouth goes her thumb. She's a smart little girl too. Last night I put her in her Jumperoo and turn on the music box. Well in order for it to play music the jumper has to move. It took Miss Bug about 2 minutes to figure it out.



She loves walks, even in this heat. I'm making it a habit that every night after it's cooled off a little we go on a walk before bed. It helps he relax and go to sleep easier. She had started fighting me when I'd put her in her swing for bed. I don't rock her, she really fights me then. I've been putting her in her swing for the past couple weeks so she can be rocked to sleep.

Memaw and Poppa went on vacations last week and once Miss Bug realized she hadn't seen them she really started fighting me at bed time. She would scream until she just tired herself out. Well one night I just had had enough so I grabbed the stroller and we went on a walk at about 8:30. it had cooled off enough to wear it was tolerable. Well, I had given her a bottle before we left and she loved the walk. We walked for about 30 minutes and then went home. I put her in her swing and she cried for a minute or two and then just zonked out.

I feel very blessed that Miss Bug already sleeps through the night. Usually, if she doesn't fight me too bad, she's asleep by 10-10:30 and she'll wake up at about 8-8:30 for a bottle and take a short hour nap.

JV is just wonderful. We started dating on June 25th and it's hard because he's working at Cedar Point this summer, but we're making it work. He changed his mind about joining the Foreign Legion. He wants to join the USMC but he has a problem taking tests. I've got to get to him so I can help him study for it. He's now talking about moving to MO when he's done working at Cedar Point.

Memaw and Poppa bought a house in Muskegon. The house in KY didn't happen so they found another. One closer to GG. It's like 2 miles from Lake Michigan and 8 miles from Michigan Adventures. It should be nice. I don't know how long I'll be living with them but it'll be nice to have my own room again. Miss Bug will have her own room as well. I can't wait to decorate our rooms. I have to make sure a rainbow is put in her room.

Something I just started telling people is why I'm putting a rainbow in her room. A very dear friend of mine died my freshman year of highschool. Marcus was a great friend and didn't let anyone put him down or bully him because he was gay. He passed away March 29th, 2004. Six year later I had Miss Bug. After they took her off my chest to clean her up a little and check her over I looked out the window and saw a rainbow. I think that was Marcus watching over her. So because of that she will always have a rainbow of some sorts in her bedroom.

Happy Father's Day!!!

I just wish Bug's Daddy could be here so we could celebrate it with him. It is his first Father's Day. He was suppose to come to town, but found out he had to work. He's working at Cedar Point this summer and won't be home for good until October. It sucks. I wish he were home now. He's already missed so much with Bug and he's gonna miss so much more. He said he was gonna try to come home for a week straight to spend time with us. I hope he can do it soon.

I picked out a really cute card for him. It's got a papa bear and baby bear hugging and it's recordable so I got Bug babbling for her daddy. I think he's gonna love it. I also made a sign that says "Happy Father's Day -♥- Ellasyn" and when Bug wakes up I'm gonna lay her on the bed and put the sign on or near her and take a picture to send to daddy via phone.

Anywho, that's all about Father's Day. Well now on to my little bug. She's getting so big so fast. It's funny when people see her and think she's only like a month old because she so tiny. I know she's tiny but she just doesn't seem so small to me anymore. She well over 10lbs now. She's starting to teeth too so she's been real fussy.

And now to me. I got a job. I work at the mall selling body jewelry. It's actually a pretty fun job. It's hard to be away from Bug, but I kinda need the money. Bug's Godmother watches her while I work and the first day I worked she said Bug was awake the whole time and was kinda fussy, most likely because she's not use to me not being there for her. The second day I worked she was a little better but still fussed. She's just got to get use to Momma working. Just like I have t get use to not being with her all the time. When I first get to work she's all I think about, but it starts gettting busy, my mind is on work.

Anywho, there's an update. I'll try to get another out soon but I've been busy here lately. Until then God Bless and Happy Father's Day to all the daddys out there.

My poor baby

So yesterday Little Miss Bug had her 2 month check up and her 2 month shots. She's gaining weight like a little piggy. She weighed 8lb12oz on the 18th of May and yesterday they weighed her at 10lb2oz. She is 21 1/4in long. She hasn't gotten any longer than her last visit.

They doctors are happy about my little girl. They said she's just perfect, gaining weight at a reasonable rate. She's strong and man does she have some lungs on her. I mean I've heard her cry because of gas or constipation, but never pain. She got three shots yesterday, two in her right leg and one in her left. She screamed bloody murder when the nurse gave her her first shot and it just got more high pinched with every shot. Man, I wanted to cry. My baby was hurting and I was the one holding down her leg. Once they were done giving her the shots I picked her up and she was fine. I had to put her back down to get her dressed and she did not what me to do that. I put her in her carseat and as we're walking out of the office I'm holding her bottle in her mouth. She fell asleep before I made it out of the office and slept for 3 hours, ate then went back to sleep. She slept almost all day yesterday.

She's even sleeping right now. She's doing great now though, just sleeping a lot. I thought because she had slept all day yesterday she would be awake all night but she slept all night.

She has a certain way she goes to sleep now. I use to put her in her swaddler but she started houdiniing her arms out of it so I just stopped putting it on her, besides it's too hot in our bedroom for her to be constricted. She sleeps in a onesie and in her bouncer. I put her bouncer in her bed with it vibrating and she sleeps good. I know it might be a pain to break her of it but as long as she sleeps I'm happy.

Anywho, I'm doing great. I feel like I'm able to be myself, say what I want to say, do what I want to do, and be happy without anyone saying something to ruin it for me. I'm trying to find a job and I hope I'm successful, but I know the chances are slim in Flint. There's a booth in the mall called Personal Touch. They sell body jewelry.I hope I get a job there. I wouldn't have to take out any piercings or cover up my tattoos.

She laughed!!!

I was just talking to her this mornign and she just laughed. All I said was "What are you doing, baby girl?" My baby laughed at her momma. It made me so happy.

She's such a happy little girl. She's gone four days without being constipated. She actually have 2 BMs today. That makes me so happy.

I'm not looking forward to Tuesday. She goes to get her shots. Mom said I needed to give her some tylenol beforehand so I really need to get some for her. She actually let me take a shower tonight. Of course it was a Mommy shower. Maybe 10 minutes.

Goodnight world. Not that I'm going to bed but I'm done with this post.

She's 2 months old

Man time flies. It seriuosly needs to stop. RIGHT NOW!!! {lol}

Anyways, life has been so hectic for me for the past couple days. I'm having to adjust to life as a single mom. That's right. I'm a single mother. It's something I didn't think would happen, but the relationship I was in was unhealthy. I was unhappy. We fought all the time and once he realized he wasn't my Bug's real dad he became distant from her. He wasn't sure if he could raise her. How can I be with someone who doesn't know if he can accept my daughter? He would bounce back an dforth on whether or not he wanted to be a part of her life. He wasn't making a decision so I did and it was one he didn't like. He has been trying to get me to work things out, but I have tried. I had been trying for months and the fighting never stopped. It wasn't healthy for me or my daughter. She seems so much happy without all the fighting putting stress on her. She's even started having daily BMs. She'd go 2-3 days without having one but since I broke up with EB she has had one everyday. If that doesn't tell me I made the right choice for her sake then I don't know what would.

I told her real dad, JV about her. He seems happy and told me that if I needed help he would there for us. He's already asked me if I needed anything for her he'd send it. There's only one problem. He's moving. To France. For FIVE years at least. He's joining the French Legion. He leaves in December.

Let's see. I'm doing great. I'm ready to move to KY, but that's gonna be another 2 months easy. This blog will most likely be how I update everyone on how me and my Bug are doing. I'm hoping to really start blogging. I've tried it before. i had planned on blooging more while I was pregnant, but that didn't happen. I'll try my hardest to keep it updated but I'm not promising anything.

Anywho, I hope you follow and enjoy the Ramblings of a New Momma.

She almost 2 months old

The night before I had her


Here she is at birth


So my little Bug was born March 29th, 2010 at 3:31pm. She was 5lbs7oz and 18.5 inches long. Her head was 12inches. I went in on the 29th at 9am to be induced. At about 11am I was started on pitocin and my labor advance on a steady rate. The nurses kept losing Bug's heartbeat so they decided to do an internal monitor so they had to break my bag. I was in some major pain and even though I said I wanted to go all natural I asked for an epidural. They gave me stadol to take off the edge until I could get the epi. They broke my bag and I dialated too quickly to get the epi. I was in labor for about 5 hours.

The past two months have been the best of my life. My bug is getting so big. She had her 1 month check up on Tuesday (I know, late) and she now weighs 8lbs12oz and is 21inches long. She is a little chunky bug. The dr said she was really strong though. She had to hold Bug to bend her knees. She's got a strong neck.

Memaw said she's got my eyes. She's starting to try and laugh and she already dislikes being laid down in someone's arms uness she's eatting. She's gonna be one stubborn girl, I can already see it.

Here she is at almost 2 months old

38weeks 1day - She's dropped

Like OMG YAY!!!! I'm so happy she's dropped down. It just means were that much close to her coming to the world. We had an OB visit yesterday and I'm 1cm dialated and 70% effaced. Everyone who works in the office don't think we'll make it to our next appointment. I've been so tired here lately. I sleep for maybe 4 hours a night before I'm up every hour because I have to pee and then I'll crawl back into bed and toss and turn and just when I start dozing I have to pee again. I'm happy I get those 4 hours before it starts but I am just so tired all day. Daddy and I have been walking a lot here lately to help with the onset of labor. We're ready to be Mommy nad Daddy to our little Bug. She's got so much stuff that our room isn't really our anymore. It's her room, just with our bed, desk, and clothes.

One good thing about all this is that I can finally breathe almost normal. I never realized how much she squished my lungs until she dropped. We were at the bowling alley last night and I guess all my trips to the bathroom helped. I also think I've begun losing my mucus plug. I saw a brown spot on my underwear and I know that the discharge of the mucus plug could be brownish and not very noticeable. I know TMI, but it's just a part of life.

Personally, I think my baby girl is boycotting the grandkids group photo tomorrow. Memaw is getting a picture of all the grandkids so she has a group photo and I think Bug wants her to wait. I mean seriously, I'm due in two weeks. I understand she doesn't know when she'll have a chance to get it, but it kinda hurts my feelings that she can't wait. I mean Bug is her granddaughter too.

It's really hit Daddy that were about to be parents. Like all the stuff we got for her wasn't enough, but now that we know labor is just around the corner he's really worried about me all the time. He know just about when I'm having a contraction and he all "You alright babe?" "Just breathe. You can do this." He's so supportive and I love him so much. Even though he's been dog tired he still makes me get up and walking. Yesterday we walked so much that he wasn't sure if he could bowl, but he did and then still had me up before noon so we could go on a walk. We did take a nap before he went to work and we'll probably be in bed by midnight tonight again. We've got to get as much sleep now because Bug's gonna be here soon.

Anywho, she's kinda pushing on my pelvis so I'm gonna go lay down. I want to just relax.

35weeks 2days - I'm more than ready

So I've finally gotten to that point where I just want to be done being pregnant and have my baby girl in my arms. I'm just so tired and uncomfortable all the time. I do love being pregnant. It has it's advantages. No period for example. I have not missed having my monthly at all. I now remember why the first birth control I ever went one was the Depo Shot, mainly because I suck at remembering to take pills daily and I didn't have to worry about my period. I know TMI, but hey it's my blog. I'll talk about what I want. Anywho, I do love being pregnant, but I'm so close to the end that I just want my daughter in my arms.

She's running out of room in the belly as it is. I don't know if I can take her growing anymore because I swear it feels like my belly won't stretch anymore. My stomach is constantly hard and it feels like Bug is always pushing out. I can see when she moves around and it feels like she's got no room. I know that the next 4weeks and 5days are gonna drag on and I'm really not looking forward to that. The only thing that's keeping me going is that at the end of all this I will finally be a momma and everything will be right in the world for me.

It's amazing how small I was when I first found out I was pregnant. I was looking at pictures I took at 17weeks and I look so freakin small, but I still feel small right now whenever I look at pictures from my friends when have babies or are pregnant right now. Mom says that I just carry Bug in the back, which I can completely agree with, especially when I swear I can feel her pushing on my spine. I know in this last month I'm just gonna explode, but right now everyone who sees me says I don't look almost 9 months pregnant, 7 maybe but not 9. Crazy isn't it?

I'm so excited for next weekend. I finally get to go to my baby showers. They're just a week away. I can't wait. For once, everything will be all about me and my little family. I've always wanted to be the guest of honor at a baby shower and now I get to be. I guess it's more because I've always wanted to be a mom and this means that my wish is finally coming true. I trully feel blessed. After 2 1/2 years of being unsuccessful, I finally get to live my dream. I finally get to know for sure that I will hear those precious words "Mom, Mommy, Momma, etc."

I swear my daughter is trying her hardest to just tear out of my belly. Earlier today while I was uploading pictures onto FB and MySpace she pushed her foot right up into my right side and I swear it felt like she was trying to push my ribs out of the way so she would have more space. I love you Bug but please stop hurting Mommy.

Hopefully I remember to update before I have her. We go to the doctors on Monday and I've got my fingers crossed that they give us another ultrasound or at least a date for our next one. I want to see my little girl again.

28weeks 2days - 3rd Trimester and still going strong

I am LOVING being pregnant, but my baby girl has decided she likes to move ALL night. She's not even born yet and she's waking me up in the middle of the night already. I feel so unprepared right now though. I know I'm ready to be a momma, but I don't really have anything for her. I have some clothes, one box of Swaddler diapers, a stroller, a carseat, and a few blankets. I have no bottles, no binkies, no where near enough clothes for her. My dad as yet to fit the antique German cradle I slept in as a baby. I guess I always thought I would have a lot of the stuff I need by this point in my pregnancy. My baby showers aren't until March and I don't want to have this feeling until then. I barely have enough space for her. I'm having to take things out of my room to fit her cradle. I hate not having a room just for her, but I live with my parents and I only have the one room for not only me, but also her daddy and her. I'm just in this mood to get stuff ready for her.

The past 28 weeks have flown by and I just have this gut feeling that the next 12 are gonna fly by faster. I feel like I'm going crazy. My moods are everywhere and I never know what's gonna happen next. I have a feeling Daddy is growing tired of my mood swings. It's just hard to control them when I have so much going on in my life. I feel totally unprepared for April, but I want April to be here already.

I know so many people who are pregnant right now, one of my close friends had her baby girl in November. I held her little girl the day she was born (on my little sister's birthday) and I didn't want to wait any longer for my own daughter. Everyone is so sweet to me when it comes to my Bug. Another friend of mine (who's a mommy to a little boy) put a package in the mail with baby stuff in it. I can't wait to get it. I love getting baby stuff. The other day Daddy's Grandma sent a package with 3 knitted blankets, 2 overly adorable outfits, a bib/burp rag combo, and some wash clothes. My mom bought Bug's Homecoming Outfit, but one of the outfits Grandma sent is so freaking cute. I'm tempted for that to be Bug's Homecoming Outfit. I think I'll pack both and depending on her size with decide which one she wears home. The one my mom bought is a premie and the one Grandma sent is newborn.

Daddy and I have been washing baby clothes like crazy here lately. We got a lot of clothes from his sister, but not enough 0-3 months ones. I'm hoping to get some at my baby showers. I can't wait for them. I'm having two. One here for my friends and one on the other side of the state for family. I still need to go and register at Wal*Mart for Bug. I need to get that done ASAP. The baby showers are a day apart in March.

So much to do, that I need to get done ASAP.