Love: I never knew it could be so good

I thought I knew what love was when I was with Nate, but how I feel about SJ is so much more intense, more passionate, more everything. I am absolutely and irreversibly in love with SJ. He makes me feels so great about myself and makes me want to be a better person. He doesn't want me to lose weight but he can tell I'm not happy with my body. I know I'm beautiful and I know he thinks I'm beautiful. I just feel like I could be even better for him.

I feel so lucky and so very blessed. SJ treats me better than any other male has. I would say man but SJ is the first man I have had the pleasure of being with. He is truely my best friend and my soul mate. He does whatever he can to make me happy and I do my very best to make him happy. I know things are only going to get better with us.

Little Miss Bug loves him as well. All day long she says Dada. I think she knows what it means too because SJ will say "yeah" whenever she says dada. They are the cutest together. He can always make her laugh and smile. He knows just what she needs when she's crying, just like me. He trully is her Daddy. Soon he'll be her daddy is every aspect.

I tried my hardest to have Javonte in her life, but I can only do so much. I can tell him until I'm blue in the face that she's his daughter and he needs to be a part of her life, but I can't make him realize that just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean that he can't be part of her life. So I quit trying. I did more than my fair share of trying. He will never see her. Bottom line. Bug has her daddy and he is the best daddy in the world.

Onto a happier note:
Little Miss Bug got her ears pierced yesterday. She didn't like it at all, but she looks super cute. She's got little studs in her birthstone. Too, too cute. We decided to do both ears at the same time. I know how she gets with shots so I figured she would definitely HATE doing one ear at a time. I was a little worried that they would somehow get messed up by doing both ears at once, but they look great. Hopefully, people quit thinking she's a boy. I understand that if you see a bald head you think boy but she wears pink or purple, girly colors or ruffles and she's always got her PINK blanket, her PINK paci, and her PINK frog. People just need to open their eyes.

She LOVES watching Football with her daddy and hockey with me and her daddy. SJ is on a Football League and we went to watch him practice on Wednesday, she absolutely LOVED it. We're hoping on taking her to a Hockey game soon. Not sure how she's gonna do, but I figure if she loves watching it on tv and she's use to her daddy's random shouts of celebration/aggrevation then she should be good at an actually game. We shall see. We're hoping on going to a game for her birthday. She's definitely a lot like her daddy, I do believe she loves sports.

Of course, she is my daughter so she was utterly fascinated with Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. She loves music and loves bright colors. She sits up all on her own now. We found a Bumbo at a yardsale last month and it's a wonderful thing. She is to a point where we can't put her in it unless we are right in front of her because she is trying to push herself out of it. She's also starting to push herself out of her bouncer and her swing. Good thing her swing is also her highchair. We got her the EZBundle by fisherprice so it's a 4 in 1 thing.

I went today and got WIC. It wouldn't be so bad, but today was the first time I used WIC to get not only her formula, but also baby food and cereal. It just means that she is growing up and I don't want her too. I love her so much. SHe's growing up way to fast for my liking.

I've decided I want to try and put a playdate together with some of my friends. A lot of my friends have babies of their own so I figured it would be nice to get together and let our little pnes play. I hope I hear something back from people soon. I honestly think it's a great idea. Bug needs to be around other kids. Especially if I get a job. She'll have to go to daycare.

I feel so very blessed

If anyone would have told me my senior year of high school that I would be in Flint and happy in 2010, I'd tell you you were crazy. I never planned on returning to Flint. I never saw my life going anywhere in this city. However, I never expected to get divorced and be a single momma, but it did happen. And I couldn't be happier. I honestly am not a single momma now. I have SJ and Miss Bug already knows him as her Dada. She loves him so much. Her face just lights up when she sees him everyday after work.

Anyways, I never thought anyone would inspire me to live the best I can. SJ is a little health conscience and that makes me be a little more than I have been. I actually try and walk a mile a couple times a week. SJ is a runner and so when he goes to run I walk and usually when I finish walking a mile he's done running a 5K. Our Christmas gifts to each other is a gym membership. Yes that's right, I will be going to the gym. The gym we decided on has childcare available while we work out, so we won"t have to try and work with a daycare. We can just got to work out and drop her off at daycare and when we're done we go pick her up. This way we can kind of push each other to actually go and work out.

SJ says he loves me the way I am, but he can see that I'm not happy with my weight. It's just that I weigh 170+lbs and before I had Miss Bug I was down to 165. I have this top that I got my senior year that I absolutely adore. It doesn't fit me but I refuse to get rid of it. My goal is to fit in that top. When I was in my first trimester I lost a lot of weight because of morning sickness and loss of appetite. I got down to 155. Now I was just curious one day and put of that top and it fit. So I need to get at least to 155, but I think I'm gonna shoot for about 140-145. I think that's a good weight. I'll still have my curves and I think my knees and back will stop hurting so much because I have less weight on my joints.

I will definately keep everyone updated on it. Since moving out of my parents house I've lost about 10lbs. I've stopped eatting so late and have alomst completely cut pop out of my diet. Instead of snacking on chips and cookies, I'll get me some carrots with ranch. I'm making more health conscience choices. Hopefully, this will teach Miss Bug how to stay healthy. I just want her to be happy and I know from personally experience that being 5'3" and almost 200lbs doesn't make someone happy. When I was married I wasn't happy with how my body looked. I felt like it wasn't me, just my mind.

With SJ, I can cook anything and I know he'll eat it. He doesn't ask me to make something I know I'm not going to eat. He wants us to eat the same thing at the same time. It doesn't bother him tha I don't eat red meat. I use ground turkey for spagetti and homemade lasagna. He doesn't ask me to make it with beef. He knows I just can't eat it. Red meat literally makes me sick, I can't eat it.

I never thought I'd be where I am but I couldn't be happier being here.

Almost settled in

So, Miss Bug, SJ and I moved into our new home on September 24th. I thought it would take way longer to unpack but we're just about settled in. We've definately already made it a home, not just a house. I feel so comfortable and the house has definately got that homey feeling I always got when I was at my parents old house. I haven't been over there in about a week, but I don't know if I can drive by. It's just difficult. To see the house I grew up in and not be able to go in and see my mom. I knew they were moving, but a week after I moved was a lot sooner than I thought. What can I do though?

Miss Bug is a whole half a year old now. She's rolling over and scooting around the living room like a pro now and, even though she said "ma" first, she is constantly saying "dada" all day. She knows when I'm on the phone with SJ, because she started just a babbling away with her "dada". I love hearing her talk to him. I know he loves her so much. I'm so happy with my life, much happier than I have been in awhile.

I hope to have pictures up of what my house looks like soon. I'm just so happy to have my own place again. Everyone knew that I had never planned on coming back to Flint, but when I met SJ all that changed. I'm actually very happy with the fact that I still live in Flint. True, it's hard for me to find a job, but SJ has a good job. I've actually been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life. I would love to be able to be a professional photographer, but financially I don't see it being an option. So I've decided I'm going to become an Ultrasound Technician. I just need to get up to MCC and talk to an advisor.

Well, it's late and I want to go cuddle up with my sweetheart. I'll blog you later.

Night, y'all.