My baby girl is growing up so fast. I still can't believe that I've been blessed to be her momma for three years now.
I sit here thinking about Miss Bug growing up and getting older and it brings my Angel to the front of my mind. I should be so happy right now because we get to celebrate another year of the bright light Bug brings to the world, but I can't help thinking that I never got to hold, kiss, cuddle, and celebrate my Angel. I will never be able to do anything but wonder what she would be like; who would she have taken after; how would she have changed where my life is right now.
I love both my babies and I am trying to not let missing my Angel disrupt my duty to my Bug, but some days are a lot harder than others. It also doesn't help that I am so ready to make Miss Bug a big sister and that I see so many people either finding out they're pregnant or having a new baby. There's so many babies that are popping up on my FB news feed and it makes my heart hurt. I see little girls turning five and it all hurts. I should be planning my Angel's fifth birthday party, like other moms, but I'm not; I only get to think about what could have been and feel my heart break everyday.
My babies
Friday, March 1, 2013
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Merry Holidays!!!!
Wow...December has arrived and I am just amazed. This year has flown by. So many things have happened and honestly I couldn't imagine a better year. It started off a little shaky and has had it's share of downs but everything that has happened has happened for a reason. I feel like reminiscing about the year of 2012.
January:
*The accident where my G6 was deemed totaled. God was looking out for Miss Bug and I because it could have been so much worse.
February:
*Papi got transferred to Northern MI with a better job. We visited and found where our new home would be.
March:
*Papi had surgery on his shoulder and needless to say I was scared. I knew with was perfectly safe but when some you love has surgery you always think of that small chance something could go wrong.
*Miss Bug turned 2. She had a blast at her birthday party and I honestly can't believe I have to start planning her 3rd birthday.
April:
*We moved up north. We started fresh in a new city. It took some getting use to but we absolutely love our new home.
*My beautiful niece was born on the fourteenth.
May:
*Miss bug went from being in her crib to a toddler bed; she had no problem with the transition at all.
*Papi and I went to Cedar Point with some friends after going to the World Expo of Beer in Frankenmuth. We had a lot of fun.
*Miss Bug got her very first pet, a fish.
June:
*Papi went back to work after recovering from his surgery.
*Made the Dean's List at school.
July:
*Peter Jackson confirmed the production of The Hobbit. Nerdgasm!!!
August:
*I finally did something about the pain in my mouth and found out that I have to have all my wisdom surgically extracted.
September:
*School started back up for me.
*I started working at Big Lots.
*Miss Bug started to become even more interested in the potty.
October:
*A very dear friend got married so Miss Bug and I traveled down-state to be there for her.
*Miss Bug started speaking longer sentences and started dressing herself.
*National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness
*Started working at Paulstra CRC and quit Big Lots.
November:
*Finally made friends up here. It took awhile but I've found some.
And lastly, December (even though it's not over yet):
*Became even closer to my friends and gotten use to my work schedule.
*I made the Dean's List again and brought my GPA up to a solid 3.1
I'm ready to see what 2013 brings to myself and my family.
January:
*The accident where my G6 was deemed totaled. God was looking out for Miss Bug and I because it could have been so much worse.
February:
*Papi got transferred to Northern MI with a better job. We visited and found where our new home would be.
March:
*Papi had surgery on his shoulder and needless to say I was scared. I knew with was perfectly safe but when some you love has surgery you always think of that small chance something could go wrong.
*Miss Bug turned 2. She had a blast at her birthday party and I honestly can't believe I have to start planning her 3rd birthday.
April:
*We moved up north. We started fresh in a new city. It took some getting use to but we absolutely love our new home.
*My beautiful niece was born on the fourteenth.
May:
*Miss bug went from being in her crib to a toddler bed; she had no problem with the transition at all.
*Papi and I went to Cedar Point with some friends after going to the World Expo of Beer in Frankenmuth. We had a lot of fun.
*Miss Bug got her very first pet, a fish.
June:
*Papi went back to work after recovering from his surgery.
*Made the Dean's List at school.
July:
*Peter Jackson confirmed the production of The Hobbit. Nerdgasm!!!
August:
*I finally did something about the pain in my mouth and found out that I have to have all my wisdom surgically extracted.
September:
*School started back up for me.
*I started working at Big Lots.
*Miss Bug started to become even more interested in the potty.
October:
*A very dear friend got married so Miss Bug and I traveled down-state to be there for her.
*Miss Bug started speaking longer sentences and started dressing herself.
*National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness
*Started working at Paulstra CRC and quit Big Lots.
November:
*Finally made friends up here. It took awhile but I've found some.
And lastly, December (even though it's not over yet):
*Became even closer to my friends and gotten use to my work schedule.
*I made the Dean's List again and brought my GPA up to a solid 3.1
I'm ready to see what 2013 brings to myself and my family.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Busy time...
...And it's not going to slow down anytime soon.
About a month ago I actually started working for Big Lots in town. It's a great place to work, but not for only six hours a week. I know that finding a job is extremely difficult in today's economy, but I am thoroughly sick and tired of working in retail. Last year, I worked at Carter's and Black Friday was horrible. As much as I didn't want to work at some store this year, I put applications in everywhere I saw and it just so happened that BL liked me and hired me. Now my job at BL is completely different than any job in retail that I've ever done because all I do at BL is stock. I work two days a week at three hours a day. That's a whopping six SIX hours a week at $0.50 over minimum wage.When I hired in I was told that I would get at least 10-15 hours a week, but no.
So I started at BL the week before classes started and it's worked out pretty good, but man I wish I could get more hours. Or at least I did wish I could get more hours. As of last week, I started putting applications in at temp agencies. Monday morning I got a call with a job. I am now the temporary employee of a factory here in Cadillac. I will be working fifth shift (yes fifth) which is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday 7pm to 7am. I have absolutely no idea where in the plant I'm going to be, but as long as I don't miss any day and work my full 12 hour shift I'll get 4 hours bonus pay so I'll get paid for 40 hours and only work 36. I'm excited and nervous. I've never done anything like this, but I am always searching for knowledge.
Well, while I wait for Miss Bug to wake up I'm going to continue enjoying my movie. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. NERD!!!!
About a month ago I actually started working for Big Lots in town. It's a great place to work, but not for only six hours a week. I know that finding a job is extremely difficult in today's economy, but I am thoroughly sick and tired of working in retail. Last year, I worked at Carter's and Black Friday was horrible. As much as I didn't want to work at some store this year, I put applications in everywhere I saw and it just so happened that BL liked me and hired me. Now my job at BL is completely different than any job in retail that I've ever done because all I do at BL is stock. I work two days a week at three hours a day. That's a whopping six SIX hours a week at $0.50 over minimum wage.When I hired in I was told that I would get at least 10-15 hours a week, but no.
So I started at BL the week before classes started and it's worked out pretty good, but man I wish I could get more hours. Or at least I did wish I could get more hours. As of last week, I started putting applications in at temp agencies. Monday morning I got a call with a job. I am now the temporary employee of a factory here in Cadillac. I will be working fifth shift (yes fifth) which is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday 7pm to 7am. I have absolutely no idea where in the plant I'm going to be, but as long as I don't miss any day and work my full 12 hour shift I'll get 4 hours bonus pay so I'll get paid for 40 hours and only work 36. I'm excited and nervous. I've never done anything like this, but I am always searching for knowledge.
Well, while I wait for Miss Bug to wake up I'm going to continue enjoying my movie. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. NERD!!!!
DFTBA
Don't Forget To Be Awesome!!!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
It's that time of the year again...
...and it's not any easier.
Five years ago, I found out I was gonna be a Momma. I was so excited and terrified at the same time. Growing up, all I ever wanted to be was someone's mother and in August of 2007 my dream was finally coming true. I had been married for eight almost nine months and, even though I was still only eighteen, I had graduated high school and was enjoying being a wife to my soldier. When Halloween passed and my ex-husband went into the field, I was miserable. I miscarried my precious daughter on November 03, 2007. I miss my Hayden so much every day. I know that my angel is watching over me, her baby sister, her step-daddy, and her real daddy, even if he never accepted the fact that I was pregnant and the I lost her. It's absolutely ridiculous that her step-daddy has accepted Hayden more than her real daddy.
Most do not know that October the nationally recognized month of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. October 15th was then envisioned as a day for families and friends to come together to remember and honor babies who left this world too soon. You can visit the official site of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance.
Every year it's gets harder and harder to see Autumn come because it's means it's been another year since Hayden joined her Great Memaw. I know my Memaw is taking great care of my baby until I get called to her.
The other night I watched 'What To Expect When You're Expecting' and I am so happy I never saw it when it was in theatres. The character Rosie had gotten far enough into her pregnancy to be able to see her baby during an ultrasound. They say it's less likely for you to miscarry once the heartbeat has been heard and even less likely after you see the fetus during an ultrasound. Well, I never go to see Hayden or hear her heartbeat. However, Rosie did and that evening, once she realized she was starting to show, she lost her baby. All my memories of losing Hayden came back to me and I couldn't help but cry, not just a couple tears but I mean sobbing like I did in 2007. Papi was able to calm me down, but throughout the rest of the movie I could really feel for Rosie. I remember all those feelings and the movie just made me miss Hayden even more.
November 03rd will mark the fifth year since I started missing my little angel and I will be getting the tattoo in memory of her. Since I already have the design I figured I'd share it here. The only change is that Hayden's name is actually going to be pink. I'm still contemplating where they will go. At only point I had a completely different design draw up but it would have been huge and I figured smaller is better. The first design will just become a painting.
Momma misses you so much Hayden. I love you, my sweet angel.
...~oOo~...
Monday, September 10, 2012
I am blessed
Last night, as I laid in bed with my hunny, I realized how different my life is compared to what I thought it would be. I am completely in love with a man who loves me completely. I have a beautiful, smart, and overall amazing daughter. I have a family that, besides a few loose screws, is my definition of what a true family should be. Okay, maybe more than just a few screws, but I wouldn't change anything about it. My life, in it's own way, is perfect because of the people in it. I realize that there will always be ups and downs during my life, but as long as I hold fast to my family and friends, any down can be turned into an up.
We have been living in Cadillac for five months now and in those five months I have truly seen who my true friends are. The people who contact me, who actually want to know how I'm doing, are the only people that matter. I have gone through quite a bit of 'friends' in my short life and the ones that have stayed true to me are ones that I can truly call the family I choose.
As of April, I have lost a lot of people in my life. It seems that when I left Flint they fell off the edge of the world. Now, moving has been a great step for my family. True, it has been difficult at times, but I feel like we are a stronger family now. I know that Miss Bug's godmothers miss us very much; I would know that without them telling me weekly. They have been the only friends to drive the two hours from Flint to see us. We have seen them more than anyone else. I have an almost 5 month old niece (HQ) that I see whenever we go to Flint. I hate missing all the little things my baby is learning. Now HQ's Momma has been in my life since high school. She is my sister in every aspect next to being blood related. Wenny's family became my family, along with all the friends that still talk to me. They have seen me in the best of times and in the worst of times and have stood by me throughout everything. I love my chosen family.
I cannot wait for this week to fly by. I finally go to the dentist on Thursday and then next Wednesday I have a doctor's appointment. The week after that I start school and it may possibly be the start of my last year so woohoo!!! As much as I love learning, I'm ready to be a college graduate and start my career already.
Anywho, I hope everyone is doing great. I know I am.
Love you all.
:~*~:ME:~*~:
We have been living in Cadillac for five months now and in those five months I have truly seen who my true friends are. The people who contact me, who actually want to know how I'm doing, are the only people that matter. I have gone through quite a bit of 'friends' in my short life and the ones that have stayed true to me are ones that I can truly call the family I choose.
As of April, I have lost a lot of people in my life. It seems that when I left Flint they fell off the edge of the world. Now, moving has been a great step for my family. True, it has been difficult at times, but I feel like we are a stronger family now. I know that Miss Bug's godmothers miss us very much; I would know that without them telling me weekly. They have been the only friends to drive the two hours from Flint to see us. We have seen them more than anyone else. I have an almost 5 month old niece (HQ) that I see whenever we go to Flint. I hate missing all the little things my baby is learning. Now HQ's Momma has been in my life since high school. She is my sister in every aspect next to being blood related. Wenny's family became my family, along with all the friends that still talk to me. They have seen me in the best of times and in the worst of times and have stood by me throughout everything. I love my chosen family.
I cannot wait for this week to fly by. I finally go to the dentist on Thursday and then next Wednesday I have a doctor's appointment. The week after that I start school and it may possibly be the start of my last year so woohoo!!! As much as I love learning, I'm ready to be a college graduate and start my career already.
Anywho, I hope everyone is doing great. I know I am.
:~*~:ME:~*~:
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