Skin to skin contact

I had so many plans and ways i was gonna raise my daughter. I wanted to be the best mother ever. I wanted to be eco-friendly; completely natural birth, not use disposable diapers, breastfeed for as long as possible, co-sleep, etc. I thought I could do it; however, one false labor and the stress of a failing relationship (that was failing before it even started to be honest) I was induced, cloth diapers are expensive to start off, and breastfeeding-  inverted nipples, no latching, and lactose intolerance. After how my labor actually went (not that it was bad, but my back still gives me issues because of the pitocin), I will stick to my guns for my next baby and wait for natural labor to set in and do as much as I can at home. I'll be honest, when I realized breastfeeding was off the table, I cried. I wanted that bonding time, I wanted to be able to have something that was just mine, that no one else could do for my child. I felt like a failure, but I realize it was never my fault. I tried and that's more than some mothers can say. I would stay up hours pumping to get enough to give my daughter her morning meal (that would end up all over me). I wasn't able to but I didn't fail at feeding Miss Bug. I can honestly say I did co-sleep. On and off when she was a newborn and I loved every second of it.

I feel like one thing I did the best was Skin to Skin contact. She use to cry so much that really the only thing that calmed her down we laying on my bare chest and listening to my heartbeat. Memaw told me that one time when she was over there Miss Bug was not listening to Memaw about not standing in a chair. Memaw would sit her down and tell her that she couldn't stand in it because she might fall. Well, my child pushes her limits, but when 2 year old doesn't. She stood up and fell off the chair. Memaw told her that if she fell there would be no crying because she had been warned. Well, she didn't cry, but she did want to snuggle. She laid her head on Memaw's chest, sat up, Memaw moved her glasses, laid down, sat up, grabbed Memaw's collar, laid down again, sat up, pulled more on Memaw's shirt, and continued trying to get that skin to skin contact she wanted. If that doesn't mean something to a Momma then I don't know what will.

I may not have been able to do everything I wanted, but I'm still a fantastic mother and hopefully my next baby will be just like their big sister.

~*~Me~*~

Settled and ready

I weight 205 pounds. Not something I really enjoy admitting. I've know for awhile that I weighed over 200lbs and I've wanted to do something about it, but I just didn't know where to start. On top of that I felt I was too busy because of Miss Bug, school, work, and moving. I admit I just used all that as excuses. NO MORE EXCUSES!!! I will lose this weight.

The other day Papi and I took Miss Bug on a walk on the trail behind our house. He was pushing the stroller and his legs are longer than mine so every ten minutes I'd have to run to catch up to them. Well, Miss Bug started saying "Bye, Momma". I'd run to catch up and Papi would take off in a run with Miss Bug. She thought it was hilarious. We'd race down the trail and it was fun. It did another thing for me, it showed me how out of shape I really am. My goal is to lose 60 pounds and I will lose it.

Starting Weight-205lbs

Side view

Front view

I will NEVER look like this ever again.

Birthday party for my *almost* 2 year old

So yesterday was Miss Bug's Birthday party. The theme was balloons and man were there a ton of balloons. She absolutely loved it. I made the invites and sent them out at the beginning of the month and told people to RSVP by the 14th. I didn't want someone to show up and not have enough goodie bags because the mom could send me a text/message on fb/call to tell me they were coming. Well I have about 30 people suppose to come (counting kids). Part of me knew not everyone who rsvped would actually show up, but it would have been nice to been told that they weren't able to make it.

I seriously was hurt yesterday when people who claim to me as family and claim that Miss Bug is their adopted niece/granddaughter didn't bother letting me know that they weren't able to make it. It would have been a completely different story if they had let me know why they weren't coming but they didn't do anything except respond to a text I sent them apologizing. I told Papi yesterday that I was going to get my daughter's baby clothes I lent to them and I was washing my hands of them. They haven't asked about Miss Bug since they got a vehicle and didn't need me to drive them all over. Fine, act like this now, get on my bad side and you will NEVER see me or my daughter again.

Onto the person who I have always said was my sister. She has 2 boys, my nephews, who absolutely love playing with their cousins. Fred and George were up from Chicago with Memaw so they could come to Miss Bug's party. S told me she was coming and then invited me to Monkey's birthday party. I was happy to go, especially since it's possible that I won't be able to make it down for another one in a while. Now you would think if I brought Miss Bug to Monkey's party she would make an effort to come to Miss Bug's, but no. Even when Memaw called to make sure she was still coming it rang once then went to voicemail which means she ignored the call. How f****n rude.

Needless to say, I was over the moon pissed at people.

However, I'm happy at the people who actually did show up. Memaw, GG, Fred, George, Mimi, both Miss Bug's Godmommas, Unk, Aunt E, Tisha, and SB (who took the pictures for us) all showed up for Miss Bug. Yesterday showed me who I could count on especially Tisha because the last time she saw Miss Bug, she was only about 3 months old. I'm hoping the next post will have pictures to post.


My little girl is getting so big and so smart so fast. I swear she is advanced for her age, but I am her momma so my opinion is extremely bias. I know she is going to grow up happy and that's all I really care about, her just being happy and enjoying her childhood to the fullest.

Post ya later.

Life's about to get real crazy

I'm sitting up at the hospital waiting for Papi to get out of surgery.  Time seems to be dragging on right now. I'm ready to know he's out and everything went great. I hate hospitals and just think I may end up working in one. I think it's just the fact that you never know what's gonna happen and it's a little scary. I know he's gonna be okay but there's still that fear that they could do more damage in the long run. However, he trusts the doctor so I will.

I'm also ready to be out of mid-Michigan. As much as I loved growing up here it's just too hard to live here now. I couldn't even find a job in Flint. Hopefully I can find something where I get more than 4-8 hours a week. I'm really looking forward to making a fresh start in a new city. School is gonna be completely different because i'm not going for lpn anymore.

Miss Bug is thriving. She's so smart and getting so big. I can't believe how beautiful she's become. She truly is the beat thing to ever happen to me. I can't wait to make her a big sister. I'm ready for that stage. She already mommies her baby dolls and I see how she acts around other babies. She's gonna be an amazing big sister one day.

Well, i'm gonna end here and i'll write again soon.

Wow...it's been awhile.

I guess I'll start off with saying Happy New Year!!! LOL Yeah, I know it's mid February.

Anywho, my last post was a sad day for me. I think about my life right now and I wonder what it would be like to have an almost 4 year old running around, playing with her little sister.

So things are great. January was a bit rough but this month has been tons better. I can hardly believe what's happening right now. I'll start with how the holidays went and just do a quick update on everything.

End of 2011:
We ended up celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas early with my family because of my working retail. Miss Bug had a blast spending time with her cousins and being spoiled by her Memaw. When Christmas really rolled around, we ended up back at my parents. So that was #2 for Miss Bug. She actually got 3 separate Christmases because of how things worked out. Anywho, I brought in the New Year the best way I could, cuddled up to the man who loves me with all his heart. We tried to watch the ball drop in NYC but we missed it by 2seconds; however our first kiss in 2012 was AMAZING!!!

January;
I started my 2nd year at Baker and so far it's been going good. College is hectic and I'll be happy when I'm finished but I know that I have to do it in order to get a decent job in today's economy. The month floated by with nothing too major happening...that was until the 27th. As many of you should know, I was driving a cute 2007 Pontiac G6 and, even though it was small, I loved my car. At about 4:40ish January 27th some idiot person ran a red light after my light had turned green. He hit me hard enough to deploy my airbag and wake Miss Bug up from a dead sleep. We were fine, but my poor car was deemed TOTALED by our insurance. Thanks to the fact that we were paying on my car, it was under full-coverage. The insurance paid off the car and we were able to find something rather quick for me to drive. Nowadays you'll see me driving a 2004 Ford Freestar mini-van. I absolutely LOVE my van. so that's how January ended for us.

February:
This month has been all about the possibility of us moving. Well, it's not a possibility anymore. We are currently in the city where we plan on moving and we've got a town house on hold for us. We will be moving the last weekend in March so we have a little over a month to go through everything in our house, pack it up and get settled. School starts April 02nd for me and that includes me switching programs. Luckily, I can switch my program and register for classes back home this week. As soon as we get back to town, that's one thing that will be happening.

So there you have it. We've got a crazy, hectic, amazing journey ahead of us and I honestly can't wait. This is one step into our new life and so far it's looking pretty wonderful. I know it's gonna get to a point where my blog will be one way for people to keep updated with me and I'm gonna try to post more, but I'm not promising anything.

Until next time, TTFN!